I am currently pursuing a historic abuse case. I have long felt isolated and alone, unable to build relationships.
Many times I look in the mirror and can’t recognise my own face. I often describe a problem where I do not see or feel I have any outlines to me. It’s blurry. I guess because of a lack of identity and boundaries.
I’m fighting back, and I want to know who I really am. I am not running anymore, I want my outlines back, I want my face back, I want my body back, and I want to know what living really feels like.
It’s like I’ve set off a bomb in my life, breaking all the locked doors open, and there are pieces of my life never seen before falling like confetti around my head. I know already that this is the right thing to do, and I will pursue this case as far as I can legally.
I want to make sense of myself. I want to finally make this all real and stop denying it. I hope to see him in court because I need to know he was real. I need to see that he existed and I need to see in all my medical files and notes, what impact it has truly had. I am facing up to it all, because I am ready, and it is time. I want to encourage anybody else who is also pursuing a historic case that it is worth it, even in those bleak pain filled gut wrenching moments it is worth it, because piece by piece I am putting together the fragments of my life, and then I can move on, on a more solid foundation. This has been helped by the support and advice of the NAPAC phoneline. Thank you. Sarah.
Post supplied by NAPAC http://napac.org.uk/survivors-2/